Thought for the day or Something to think about.

[SmokeyBob]

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
~Jerry Seinfeld

I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.
~ Michael McShane

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
~ Garry Shandling

[SmokeyBob]

More Points to Ponder
You know you're in trouble when you look out your office window and you see a 60 Minutes news team.

Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

You can lead a horse to water, but don't push him in because you know how a wet horse smells.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.

The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone he can blame it on.

If you can keep your head when all about you others are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.

The way to a man's stomach is through his mouth.

May you live forever, and may the last voice you hear be mine.

Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble, as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

An "acceptable level of unemployment" means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

It's terrible how close some motorists will drive ahead of you.

[SmokeyBob]

In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.
~English proverb

You know the great thing about tv? If something important happens anywhere at all in the world, no matter what time of the day or night, you can always change the channel.
~Jim Ignatowski

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
~J. Paul Getty

[SmokeyBob]

Lead us not into temptation.
Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
~Sam Levenson

My grandson is four and can recite the whole Gettysburg Address. Abraham Lincoln couldn't do it until he was fifty-four.
~Sam Levenson

I'm just very selective about the reality I choose to accept.
~Calvin, from the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes

[Woodbutcher]

Nothing runs like a Deere.....except a Wisconsin Senator

[SmokeyBob]

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
~Lily Tomlin

Interviewer (to Grace Slick): Grace, when did you decide you had a problem with alcoholism?
Grace: I didn't, the highway patrol decided for me.

Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
~Scott Adams

[Steve E]

Trouble Sleeping? Try Counting Your Blessings............

[SmokeyBob]

When the legislature decides the rules of buying and selling, the first thing to be bought will be the legislators.
~P. J. O'Rourke

I have plenty of common sense, I just choose to ignore it.
~Calvin, from the comic strip, Calvin and Hobbes

[SmokeyBob]

Once in the wilds of Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew and had to live on food and water for a number of weeks.
~W. C. Fields

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
~Isaac Newton

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.
~Hal Abelson

[SmokeyBob]

The government that can protect you from your enemies can be used as easily by your enemies to harm you.
~Harry Browne

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
~Hugh Downs

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
~Thomas Edison

[SmokeyBob]

Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
~Howard Scott

There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true.
~Sir Winston Churchill

My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
~ Paula Poundstone

[SmokeyBob]

My friends tell me that I refuse to grow up, but I know they're just jealous because they don't have pajamas with feet.
~Tom Sims

I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
~ Johnathan Katz

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. The always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
~ Ellen DeGeneres

[SmokeyBob]

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
~Dave Barry

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
~ Kurt Vonnegut

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who think there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
~ Robert Benchley

[SmokeyBob]

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
~ Scott Adams

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
~ Cecil Baxter

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk.
~ Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

[SmokeyBob]

The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, "What am I doing?!"
~Jack Handey

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
~ Woody Allen

I thought it would be nice to get a job at a duty-free shop, but it doesn't sound like there's a whole lot to do in a place like that.
~ George Carlin