Thought for the day or Something to think about.

Things that don't fit anywhere else...

Postby SmokeyBob » Tue Dec 07, 2010 11:03 am

"I don't like work, but I like what is in work. The chance to find yourself. Your own reality. For yourself, not for others. Which no other man can ever know."
~Joseph Conrad

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
~Steven Wright

"A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life."
~Charles Darwin
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Postby SmokeyBob » Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:00 pm

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
~Hunter S. Thompson

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
~Steven Wright

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
~Hunter S. Thompson
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Postby SmokeyBob » Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:31 am

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws :thinking:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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Postby SmokeyBob » Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:33 am

A snowdrift is a beautiful thing - if it doesn't lie across the path you have to shovel or block the road that leads to your destination.
~Hal Borland

Let every man shovel out his own snow and the whole city will be passable.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
~Sir Winston Churchill
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Postby SmokeyBob » Mon Dec 13, 2010 11:00 am

Ellen Degeneres Quotes

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
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Postby SmokeyBob » Tue Dec 14, 2010 9:19 am

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.
~Italian Proverb

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
~Dick Martin

You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?
~Source Unknown
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Postby SmokeyBob » Thu Dec 16, 2010 8:55 pm

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
~Isaac Asimov

I don't always know what I'm talking about but I know I'm right.
~Muhammad Ali

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
~Abraham Lincoln
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Postby SmokeyBob » Fri Dec 17, 2010 9:16 am

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
~Mae West

Rembrandt painted 700 pictures. Of these, 3,000 are still in existence.
~Wilhelm Bode

If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.
~George Bernard Shaw
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Postby SmokeyBob » Mon Dec 20, 2010 10:33 am

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
~Andy Rooney

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
~Garry Shandling

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
~James Thurber
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Postby SmokeyBob » Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:09 pm

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
~Calvin Coolidge

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
~Fr. Jerome Cummings

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
~Mark Twain
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Postby canned o minimum » Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:10 pm

Why is it that we ..Park in a Driveway
and Drive in a Parkway
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Postby SmokeyBob » Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:27 pm

All animals are equal but some are more equal than others.
~George Orwell

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy, your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
~Woody Allen

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates
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Postby SmokeyBob » Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:04 pm

Money can’t buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
~Spike Milligan

A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
~Laurence J Peter

Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?
~Homer Simpson
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Postby SmokeyBob » Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:14 pm

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
~Joey Adams

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
~Mickey Rooney

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
~Rita Rudner
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Postby canned o minimum » Thu Dec 30, 2010 6:07 pm

I bought her jewelry and all I got was this lousey T-Shirt !
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