50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or not

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50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or not

Postby working on it » Fri May 04, 2018 8:40 am

  • Let me preface this by saying that I'm not the same guy that I was 50 years ago, and worlds apart from who I was even 33 years ago, when I became a teetotalist. I've been compared to Mr. Spock, then Dr.Jeckyll & Mr.Hyde,and called Mad Dog (I later asked them to call me Mild Dog, as I became older, and tamer) by my friends(?) & especially my co-workers (for 46 years at one job), so you can see that I have varied over the years.
  • I've suffered so many setbacks (some self-induced) and betrayals (by close family, and best friends, mostly) over the years, that I have left/discarded most relationships of any kind several times, and started afresh, with new friends(?) compartmentalized (unconsciously by me) into special interest groups, with no cross-over to other groups. My work friends never became afterwork friends, nor long-time neighbors, and my racing friends didn't either; and so far, none of my camping friends have (most likely because I/they don't really know each other well enough, yet).
  • So, that's why now, a year away from my 50th HS reunion, I'm starting to get feelers from my old high school friends, to call them, after at least 45 years without communicating; do I really want to open up lines of communications with people who left my circle, or were left by me, after so many years? There are many memories that I might not want to recall, given my past record of personality quirks, not to mention theirs? Has anyone, especially a basically introverted-to-dominant person, an INTJ (Meyers-Briggs Type personality), faced this dilemma?
  • I am just now starting to express myself on some camping/trailer Facebook pages (after avoiding FB like the plague for years), and a couple of ex-co-workers have spotted me, and now a couple of high school buddies have, too. It's not like the anonymity of using specific-interest forums like this one, or any of the other forums I've been on for 20? years: I was always just "working on it", or a variant, anonymously posting, without further contact. I find it very difficult to change a lifetime pattern of separation, at this late date, but then again, I am curious as to how my old buddies fared over the years. I'm quite pessimistic about renewing old contacts, based on previous bad outcomes, over my lifetime. Any Dr.Phils' out there???
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby CaptKidd » Fri May 04, 2018 9:56 am

Well I have been to every one of my reunions and I say go. I was not one of the "good" kids rather I was one of the "bad" kids. That said I have enjoyed every one of my reunions.
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby Bill n Robi » Fri May 04, 2018 10:09 am

I can relate, my 50th is coming up in October. I am mixed emotions about it too. I did not graduate - I escaped. Army right out of HS in 1968, I got to see things and places that others couldn't imagine. It was a real break from my past, 1 of 3 defining points in my life. Went to one 15 years ago, saw a few people but no real contact as I didn't know most of the people that came. Looking at the user accounts on 'classmates' - 250 people - I recognize 20, liked about 5.

Being adopted, only child , not having family connections I pretty much grew up a loner and self dependent. Never really kept in contact with the few HS friends I had, work friendships were hard as I never connected with outside activities that other people did. Wonder why the FBI Unabomber task force interviewed me?

Busted trust, used and abused, giving others free rent in my head, taken advantage of...

I see all my 'faults' when I am at a gathering, especially a large one. I really like to be quite and alone, enjoying the solitude. My wife is a very social butterfly and I am the hanger-on. Not that I don't like people, I do, but it takes me time and I think others are looking for something more instantaneous.

As a therapist once told me "you make 6 figures with just a high school diploma and think you are a failure? You need to start thinking better of yourself". Easier said than done but at this time in my life I am happy with who I am, I don't need to get my self worth from what others think of me, I have had a good life, great wife, awesome teardrop, retired, no kids, no bills - do I really need to back to a time I was unhappy and alone?

I have 1 more month to respond to the invitation...
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby working on it » Fri May 04, 2018 11:19 am

CaptKidd wrote:Well I have been to every one of my reunions and I say go. I was not one of the "good" kids rather I was one of the "bad" kids. That said I have enjoyed every one of my reunions.
  • I've never been to any reunions, but am pretty sure that this would be my last chance to attend. I was a "good" kid turning "bad"-ish in my senior year,; my "group" were all good, mostly brains/dorks/average in composition, and I was the de-facto leader, because I had personal connections to all the social groups.
  • I was as good an athlete as the jocks, was speaker of choice for assemblies, was in the elite scholastic group (12 people), and was tough (usually) as the bad guys; though I was ok up to my senior year, my classmates sensed a change in me, and most thought I would self-destruct before 25 (I wish I had my yearbook...it was a compendium of dire predictions; my ex threw it away). My classmates were mostly correct, except that I've outlived many of them (occasionally I would hear about one or another's demise). I'm sure that my attendance at a 50th reunion will shock all of them.
Bill n Robi wrote:I can relate, my 50th is coming up in October. I am mixed emotions about it too. I did not graduate - I escaped. Army right out of HS in 1968, I got to see things and places that others couldn't imagine. It was a real break from my past, 1 of 3 defining points in my life. Went to one 15 years ago, saw a few people but no real contact as I didn't know most of the people that came. Looking at the user accounts on 'classmates' - 250 people - I recognize 20, liked about 5.

Being adopted, only child , not having family connections I pretty much grew up a loner and self dependent. Never really kept in contact with the few HS friends I had, work friendships were hard as I never connected with outside activities that other people did. Wonder why the FBI Unabomber task force interviewed me?

Busted trust, used and abused, giving others free rent in my head, taken advantage of...

I see all my 'faults' when I am at a gathering, especially a large one. I really like to be quite and alone, enjoying the solitude. My wife is a very social butterfly and I am the hanger-on. Not that I don't like people, I do, but it takes me time and I think others are looking for something more instantaneous.

As a therapist once told me "you make 6 figures with just a high school diploma and think you are a failure? You need to start thinking better of yourself". Easier said than done but at this time in my life I am happy with who I am, I don't need to get my self worth from what others think of me, I have had a good life, great wife, awesome teardrop, retired, no kids, no bills - do I really need to back to a time I was unhappy and alone?

I have 1 more month to respond to the invitation...
  • Sounds a lot like my life, though I never served after graduation, but was in and out of college for 7 years (166 credit hours), with no degree to show for it. I started my work at the bottom, doing hand labor for a newspaper, but my abilities, "education", and an indomitable will to lead at whatever job I was assigned, made me indispensable and the highest paid hourly worker there (and the longest-serving, at 46+ years). But, my family life and social life were absolute disasters, much as my classmates predicted. I lost everything, except my job, at 34, then again at 41, and 1/2 my assets at 57 (supporting my last brother, who along with my youngest brother, had taken all of my possible 7-figure inheritance). Just recently, my "everything paid for" status changed, with the "new home project" that siphoned off my retirement slush fund. So, starting over, pretty much, financially, I only have my wife of 25 years (and her family, which are better friends/relatives to me than the remnants of mine), five paid-for cars, two trailers, and 5 dogs. Not what I should've accomplished by now, but at least I lived past 25.
  • ...but at this time in my life I am happy with who I am, I don't need to get my self worth from what others think of me, I have had a good life, great wife, awesome teardrop, retired, no kids, no bills - do I really need to back to a time I was unhappy and alone? Those words echo my thoughts exactly; why open up a can of worms, after all these years, and possibly also getting riled (you don't want to get me riled-up), by the same people who predicted my early demise? Some of those same people are probably quite successful, and will flaunt it (much as they had the newest, fastest cars at school...until I bested them..., and bought the class presidency, etc. with their favors).
  • I've got a year to decide if I want to go, but I immediately am pondering if I even respond the two classmates that have contacted me recently. I am also considering whether or not to quit Facebook again, and withdraw back into the relative anonymity of posting on trailer/camping/car forums. Damn!
2013 HHRv "squareback/squaredrop", rugged, 4x8 TTT, 2225 lbs
  • *3500 lb Dexter EZ-Lube braked axle, 3000 lb.springs, active-progressive bumpstop suspension
  • *27 x 8.5-14LT AT tires (x 3) *Weight Distribution system for single-beam tongue
  • *100% LED's & GFCI outlets, 3x fans, AM/FM/CD/Aux. *A/C & heat, Optima AGM, inverter & charger(s)
  • *extended-run, on-board, 2500w generator *Coleman dual-fuel stove & lantern, Ikea grill, vintage skillet
  • *zinc/stainless front & side racks *98"L x 6" diameter rod & reel carrier tube on roof
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby Bigwoods » Fri May 04, 2018 3:08 pm

I just went through this 50th class reunion and my class has a Facebook page. My background was similar to yours. Never in the popular group and didn't care. I just went along trying to see what was next. I was welcomed in the Facebook Group and it was nice to share a few memories. Surprised how many had passed away and how many were lost in Viet Nam. What I found is it is just the same as High School. There is still the popular group and they seem to all see each other.

I follow along occasionally to see if any of my old friends pop up or on occasion one will pass away.. made a few contacts with people that message me and send jokes. It is kinda fun. The reunion was like I thought. I just stood on the side lines and watched and greeted a few folks that recognized me. Same old cliques as before but glad I went to see them as their not going to be around as much as the years pass.
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby working on it » Fri May 04, 2018 4:46 pm

Bigwoods wrote:I just went through this 50th class reunion and my class has a Facebook page. My background was similar to yours. Never in the popular group and didn't care. I just went along trying to see what was next. 1) I was welcomed in the Facebook Group and it was nice to share a few memories. Surprised how many had passed away and how many were lost in Viet Nam. What I found is 2) it is just the same as High School. There is still the popular group and they seem to all see each other.

I follow along occasionally to see if any of my old friends pop up or on occasion one will pass away.. made a few contacts with people that message me and send jokes. It is kinda fun. The reunion was like I thought. I just stood on the side lines and watched and greeted a few folks that recognized me. 3) Same old cliques as before but glad I went to see them as their not going to be around as much as the years pass.
  • Highlighting three points in your post:
    1) Facebook Group acceptance It seems as if the internet, and specifically Facebook, makes entry onto a forum or social media page very easy, and painless. In 20 years of being online, I've never been rejected from any site I wanted on, and never got banned, either. I did shut out Facebook for about 5 years, until a desire to follow one group there made me resume using it; since then, I've joined another group, and was looking for more, until I received messages from past friends, which again, makes me wonder about the wisdom of going to Facebook, a second time. As Groucho Marx once said: "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER". Or maybe, I actually mean the opposite: I only feel comfortable around people like me, that only want to share ideas and thoughts, without the self-aggrandisement (and selfies?) shown repeatedly on Facebook (which I frankly fail to understand at all). Like Bill said above, and you seem to be of like mind, we stand on the side-lines while others are the social butterflies. My wife is a butterfly queen, selfies and all, in her early 50's. Go figure?!?
    2) I hated high school. I enjoyed the classes and learning, but didn't like the forming of social strata and cliques among the students. The teachers actually promoted this, by always favoring the fawning, false praise that the "upper crust" would ply them with, while the average or above-average student received little attention. Except maybe for a couple of us, that showed special talents that the teachers relied on: Believe it or not, I was a good public speaker and sometimes actor/reciter, that had a deep speaking voice, photographic memory for learning lines, and was thus employed in assemblies and or plays, from 8th grade onward. I was given no choice. I didn't like the pressure to perform, while others weren't coerced to. Still, I wasn't in the popular group, though many were OK with me, and I with them. And yes, they probably all kept in contact together. Which brings up my third elucidation
    3) Same old cliques. My social butterfly wife was separated by many miles and her first husband from her high school cliques, but when I didn't restrict her anymore, she fell into that scene as if she never had left it, now 40 years past. OK, whatever you like, dear. But, she accepts them and their quirks blindly, and together all of them behave as undisciplined teens (my wife, now a teetotaler, too, often serves as a designated driver: I refuse to join in, since I am older, wiser, and I don't want to spoil her fun, by whacking someone over the head). Her "clique" is multi-level, and she never gets to the top, so I dread the day when she wakes up to the fact that she is being used, for the most part. Sad. I went with her to two of her reunions, and vowed never to return...and I foresee similar behavior at my 50th, but I just won't stand for any snide remarks, or superior attitude (I once was regarded as a superior mind, high-school wise, but I hope I outgrew it...several major concussions helped, too). It'll probably come to naught; I won't go, but I am still on the fence about renewing friendship links with the lost buddies I once had. I might regret it,years from now, if I failed to try.
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  • *extended-run, on-board, 2500w generator *Coleman dual-fuel stove & lantern, Ikea grill, vintage skillet
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby pchast » Fri May 04, 2018 9:05 pm

I have not been going because of my allergies. But I''d like to be a fly on the
wall sometime. None of them are really my friends nor did they spend any
time on me back then. But I am most curious about where things stand today
with others. I figure if I was to go I can just leave if someone was getting
annoying, or I saw something ugly.

I would not pick up people I no longer know 'as friends'.
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby dmb90260 » Sat May 05, 2018 8:10 am

Been there, done that. I never made any of the earlier reunions but it is my understanding that they can be a "look what I did event" or "look at my new spouse" thing. Number 50 is different, it is more like "look at us, still alive." My brother and I had a great time seeing everyone for the first time in 50 years. There was no bragging or showing off that I saw. Had a great time and highly recommend it.
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby S. Heisley » Sat May 05, 2018 7:55 pm

dmb90260 wrote:Been there, done that. I never made any of the earlier reunions but it is my understanding that they can be a "look what I did event" or "look at my new spouse" thing. Number 50 is different, it is more like "look at us, still alive." My brother and I had a great time seeing everyone for the first time in 50 years. There was no bragging or showing off that I saw. Had a great time and highly recommend it.


That's the idea! I didn't go to any of my previous reunions; but, I made it a point to be at my 50th. It's not about what you or they have or haven't done, unless you make it that. It's more about seeing everybody and guessing who they are. There will be a lot of people that you won't even recognize! My 50th was a 3 day event. I kind of cheated and only went to the first evening's event. That was enough for me. Still, I had to go around and say, "Now, who are you?" :lol:

Be happy for those who did well, whether it be a good marriage, kids, or a bank load of money. The ones that aren't happy probably won't show up. If someone asks about yourself, keep your summary simple and upbeat. Wish everybody well and be at peace with yourself. That's what matters.
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby crttaz » Sun May 06, 2018 12:48 am

Went to my 25th, dealt with the same egos as I did in High School. I was a math wiz but not fit into the upper "elite" class of the school.

They all talked about their retirement plans once they hit 65 and slow down, able to afford their mansions.

I'm 51 and retired, enjoying the simple life. They have no clue.
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby bc toys » Sun May 06, 2018 3:55 pm

I id not finish school but my class mates always asked me to come back to the reunions I went to the 30th and had a blast its our 40th next year think Ill try to make that one too. So I say you need to go and see how many are still alive and enjoy it cause you never know when that time will come .
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby dguff » Sun May 06, 2018 8:06 pm

If you are on the fence Don't go. You need to have a positive attitude to enjoy it.
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby halfdome, Danny » Mon May 07, 2018 12:04 am

dguff wrote:If you are on the fence Don't go. You need to have a positive attitude to enjoy it.

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
I went to my 50TH a few years ago and had a wonderful time.
Yeah, there were those sports jocks that still think their stuff dosen't stink, but there's lots of others to spend your time with.
I brought woodturning gifts I made for them to pass out for different reasons. Did this at past reunions too.
I had a surprise, the only remaining seat at the dinner table where my wife and I sat was next to our majorette in high school.
I had never known her as we ran in different circles of classmates.
What a delightful & pretty lady to visit with, the past 50 years have been very kind to her, and she earned it.
I made a new friend. :thumbsup:
:D Danny
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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby ae6black » Tue May 08, 2018 2:02 pm

Back in 76, I was described as being a little head, a little red. Now that I am a clergy person, it's astounding to see how classmates react when I am around. Guys I used to pass out with under the bleachers during football games now hide their cigarettes and beer from me. Often times former classmates who would have nothing much to do with me in High School now want to talk about what's going on in their lives. There's nothing wrong with drinking pepsi or coke while everyone else is drinking beer. Stay true to what you are and you'll probably have a good time. Besides, most of your classmates have grown up as well.

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Re: 50th High School Reunion...on the fence about going or n

Postby willrothfuss » Tue May 08, 2018 8:32 pm

I just went to my 50th a few weeks ago. I was really not sure- almost backed out, but was glad I went. My college experience (radical northern University) was so different from my HS experience ( Conservative southern prep school), that I really never thought about HS much as the years went on (except when I would get the annual bulletin and money requests, ha, ha). But I decided it was time to reassemble my life into one continuous narrative and figure out how I came to be who I became. This was the first reunion I have gone to. ( I should say that I went to an all boys boarding school, so my reunion was very different than a typical public HS- an entire weekend for starters). I have made very different choices in my life than almost all my classmates- I am an artist in a class of lawyers and bankers and businessmen. I wanted to validate my choices for myself.

Two things I'll pass on. First, I had a great time connecting with people I hardly knew in HS- some people who ran in different groups (jocks) turned out to be really nice guys. Second, since almost everyone is retired, we are now back on sort of equal footing again, if that makes sense. No one felt the need to show off or brag- no power trips. I think we were all relaxed.

I would go, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
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