Teardrops n Tiny Travel Trailers

The funniest "mission" I can remember was when my supervisor tried to get me to carry a 75lb radio over to the maintenance shop and tell them the Fallopian tube was burned out. I started laughing and told him I had been in school that day in Biology class...

...once worked for a very large mechanical contracter and we had a very large shop/warehouse, whenever they would hire someone off of the street, they invariably got sent to get a 5 gal bucket of pipe thread..."and remember to get the left handed pipe thread, not the right handed stuff"
madjack

Had an instructor who who would send the newbies to get 25 feet of flightline and a bucket of propwash.

A "trick" we used to do to new guys in our troop would be to take them on a Snipe Hunt. We'd convince the new kid(s) that a Snipe, which is a small bird that forages around in the bushes at night, is attracted to light, sorta like a moth. We'd let him/them hold a pillow case open with one hand and point a flashlight directed into the pillow case with the other hand.
We'd take them out about a half mile or so away from camp, keeping all flashights turned out, then get them into postion with light and pillow case ready to snatch the Snipe!
Meanwhile... the rest of us were assigned to be "Flushers"... we were supposed to be flushing the birds towards the kid(s) holding the pillow case and flashlights.
Just one thing... we'd set out walking still further away from camp, then swing around them undetected and just go back to camp and hit the sack...
Some guys would figure it out pretty quick, some of them... probably just because they were afraid of the dark, being out in the woods all alone like that, but a few kids were found sound asleep the next morning laying next to the pillow case and a dead flashlight.

First, you go over to the MMS hanger and ask for a double-insulated wrench.
(Yes, that's a real item.)
Then you go down to the OMS hanger and ask for a double-insulated winch.
(Yes, that's a real item.)
The staff sergeant with the really vile sense of humor was about to send me to the AMS hanger, but before I could find out what kind of double-insulated something he needed from there, the NCOIC pulled me aside and the Lt. Col. had a word with the four-striper about taking advantage of the young, the gullible, and those of us who were perfectly willing to tell the not-so-amused NCOs wondering why we were showing up in their shops what we'd been sent after and who'd sent us...

Uncle told story of new airman told to get a bucket of prop wash. Was told was order and not come back without it. Was found three days later in bar in Honolulu, told MP was looking for propwash. Bartenders in about 6 bars verified that the airman had come in with bucket and asked about getting some propwash before he started drinking beer. Had to let him off as he was ordered not to come back without propwash, was not told where to obtain any, so he was checking all of the bars in Honolulu for propwash.

Ah Yes... When I was stationed at a small radar site in Colorado, we used to send newbies out for Propwash, Bolt stretchers, Video Paint, and the occasional A.S.H. Receivers (ashtrays)...

When I was Stationed in Germany at Spangdalehm Air Base, we had a pilot they called "Major Malfunction", Everytime he flew something went wrong and alway came back IFE ( In flight Emergency). He flew my jet and came in IFE, escorted back to the shelter by firetrucks. After I got him turned around and backed in the the shelter. He shuts down and scrambled out of the cockpit. Pissin' and moaning throws the A/C forms at me and left

I looked at the write-up and was floored. He came in IFE, they rolled the firetrucks, held air traffic flying in the pattern and almost foamed the runwy just so this guy could land safely. He wrote " Radar does not work in the O.F.F Mode"
well since the power switch had only 3 postions ON, Standby, OFF, I guess O.F.F. mode was which of the three positions

When I was in Holloman working the T-38 trainers we used to get some of the stupidest write-ups from those new pilots. I remember things being written up that you couldn't even identify. Sometimes they would taxi back before taking off because one or more of their instruments weren't functioning properly, it was always the same drill when they pull in, climb up and reach in the cockpit, flip the switches to ON, then give them that "Boy, you are a moron" look. After that they would generally remember to check switches before crying.
At least once a day you would get one that after multiple flights still didn't know how to strap himself in the plane or while you were launching he couldn't talk to you an the headset, hmmmm, maybe if YOU PLUG IT IN!!!
If you've never dealt with pilots right out of school, you have no idea how very dumb some edumacated people can be.

Nitetimes,

I spent 22 years and 25 days in the good ol' USAF and I can really relate to what you are saying. I did not deal much with pilots, but sure deal with a lot of '90 day wonders' in my time. I always hated having to explain things as if I were talking to a 5yr old, and this person was getting more pay than me!!!

Kerry

I had a CWO3 ask me for a bucket of shore line, being that at the time a BM2( E-5) I thought to myself "what is this moron trying to do to me?" so being a good po I said yes sir right away. Meanwhile the big boss (O-5)stopped by and they went into the CWO's office. I got a bucket of the smellist stinking mud I could find and just before the old man left brought it into the office and sat it down next to the old man and told him that I was glad I was able to get the shoreline for the CWO as I just knew it was for you. I turned and left. The office door was closed and a loud discusion was heard. I never had any trouble with the CWO after that.
Dan

Nitetimes,
I was also at Williams AFB outside of Phoenix, AZ when I came back from being overseas. You are right about some of the people who were learning to fly. T-38A supersonic jet trainers, beautiful little aircraft. I had a student pilot, who used grease pencil to mark RT and LT from the canopy, windscreen, down all the instrument panel and gauges and switches. He would do his best to remove it taxing back in. Never quite got them all though. Man that used to fry the next set of pilots, sometimes there flight would be delayed while we wiped off the rest of the ones he missed during a postflight inspection

toypusher,
The problem withthe 90 day wonders we got was they didn't need a degree in anything particularly useful to get into pilot school so a lot of them didn't know much. I honestly believe some of the ones I met had degrees in basket weaving, they were that dumb. That really sucks after a tour on a working base where 99% of the pilots already knew their way around and aircraft. And if they didn't it was likely to get them killed by the jet.

Woody,
I found out it's really hard to come back from overseas and land at a training base. It seemed like people over there either learned their job or got put in a job that they couldn't hurt anyone. Didn't seem to work that way here. Don't know how many had similar experiences but that's the way it seemed to me. Used to drive me crazy.
I did get an incentive flight in a T-38 while I was there, them little buggers are pretty cool for all they are and really fun to fly in. Got to go in an F-4C in Germany, cool ride but the 38 was much more nimble and lots of fun, I could have stayed up there all day. That was one expensive roller-coaster!!

Oh yeah, that pay thing really did suck when you consider I made about $700 a month and some 2nd louie made better than 20k a year and I had to teach him what the aircraft was for.
I think the military needs to rethink their payscale from the bottom up. You know, so the trainer is actually getting paid more than the trainee. Then if he learns his job he can get a raise.
If I recall, a lot of those 90 d wunders never did get any smarter

At Spangdalelm. Most people knew there job, only a few were placed in positions of lesser responsibility. They were called "INERTS" after the training weapons used on the aircraft. They didn't work and you couldn't fire it either. We trained a lot since we had a Victor Alert Pad on site. They did not mess around because of it either. Way too many "SHAPES" on site. If you could not pull your weight you were moved to area were you wouldn't be in the way. I got 5 incentive rides in the F4E phantom II while there. 150 AGL at MACH 1.25 was the best darn thing and stick time all 5 times dogfighting other planes from my squadron.

When I was in the Army in the early 80's I hated dealing with the LIFERS.

Lazy Inefficient F%#ers Expecting Retirement.