PKCSPT wrote:After many years of helping my mom care for my dad who passed in 2007. Been taking care of mom since then. My mom passed on today in our home. I will miss her but it is a blessing as her health has been declining, especially in the past year with a stroke and heart attack.
Now I have to figure out what do I do tomorrow when I get up and don't have to check on someone? I how does one go through a day without planning someone's care into all plans?
This is going to be a strange new world for me.
Condolences on the loss of your Mom. Even though you state that it was a blessing because of her declining health, her death is still a loss to you; so, start by being kind to yourself.
1) Allow yourself time to grieve. When you are alone and able, be with the pain as the bleeding of the soul is cleansing.
2) Remember that with pain, eventually comes anger. For whatever reason, it does come. Keep a light weight/plastic fly swatter handy for that. You can hit counters, tables, etc; and, even if the windows are open, nobody will be the wiser nor will surfaces be harmed. While anger anesthetizes pain, the effort of swatting at your pain and anger can be purging. If anybody sees and comments that you must be having a lot of trouble with flies, you can smile and say that you guess you shouldn't leave the windows
(omit curtains/blinds in your statement) open so much. (...You won't be lying.)
3) Once the storm of pain and anger has diminished, linger on all the good things that you received because you were given and lived with your mom (and your dad) and be thankful for those. The memories of good times will always be there for you, as will the lessons and support that they gave you.
4) Don't be in a hurry to do anything permanent. Making a decision too soon could cause you to be sorry later. This is especially true when it comes to buying/selling big ticket items. Be kind to yourself but take your time deciding on your future. Fill the empty times with little things. Go to a movie. Go out to a favorite restaurant with a friend. Volunteer. Take a small vacation or maybe plan on taking that big trip that you've always wanted to take; but, don't make any permanent changes for at least a year.
5) Eventually, enjoy the opportunity of being alone. Do something that you would never have done while your mom was living with you. Indulge in a bubble bath with good music and low lights. Eat dinner and/or dessert in front of the television. Buy some new trinket for your current home that you would never have bought before. Take up a new hobby or train yourself in a new talent. Do something that safely treats
you to a little happiness.
6) Know that, with time, things will get better and fall into a good place. Be patient and love yourself.
One more thing....Put your arms around yourself and squeeze. That will be a hug from me.
by dales133 » Fri Aug 07, 2015 5:58 am 
