Thought for the day or Something to think about.

Things that don't fit anywhere else...

Postby SmokeyBob » Wed Jan 19, 2011 7:06 pm

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
~Woody Allen

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
~Homer Simpson

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you,
~A. Whitney Brown
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Postby SmokeyBob » Thu Jan 20, 2011 12:38 pm

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
~Albert Einstein

When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.
~Helen Rowland

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
~Will Rogers
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Postby SmokeyBob » Thu Jan 20, 2011 5:50 pm

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy..' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull sh** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
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Postby Shanty » Thu Jan 20, 2011 6:21 pm

Madness is hereditary.
You get t from your kids.
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Postby SmokeyBob » Fri Jan 21, 2011 2:02 pm

Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.
~Homer Simpson

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
~Woody Allen

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
~Will Rogers
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Postby SmokeyBob » Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:07 pm

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
~Brendan Behan

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
~Henny Youngman

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
~Woody Allen
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Postby SmokeyBob » Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:19 pm

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
~Robert Bloch

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
~Wilson Mizner

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
~E. B. White
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Postby SmokeyBob » Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:22 pm

Comments made in 1955!

That's only 55 years ago!

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous...

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter?

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President..

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now..

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.

'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes.. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

'There is no sense going on short trips anymore, with hotels now costing us $2.00 per night!

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.'

'If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.'
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Postby SmokeyBob » Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:25 am

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
~Eugene McCarthy

Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
~Mark Twain

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
~Charles Schulz
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Postby SmokeyBob » Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:22 pm

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up...what did he go back to?
~Bob Monkhouse

There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
~Fred Hoyle

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
~Steven Wright
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Postby SmokeyBob » Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:53 pm

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
~Winston Churchill

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
~Jules de Gaultier

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
~Albert Camus
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Postby SmokeyBob » Fri Feb 04, 2011 10:31 am

Points to Ponder

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

11. Never lick a steak knife.

12. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

13. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. Your real friends still love you anyway.
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Postby SmokeyBob » Fri Feb 04, 2011 10:41 am

What happened in the past that was painful has a great deal to do with who we are today.
~William Glasser

Potatoes are to food what sensible shoes are to fashion.
~Linda Wells

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
~Jackie Mason
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Postby SmokeyBob » Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:49 am

"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before."
~Dwight D. Eisenhower

Art depends on luck and talent.
~Francis Ford Coppola

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
~Fred Allen
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Postby SmokeyBob » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:48 pm

I am in shape. Round's a shape!
~Andy Rooney

Upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
~ George Bernard Shaw
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